Undertow

I’m being taken under.

I can’t move, I can’t breathe.

I think of the past glories and conquests

A life that was once lived and now forever lost.

I wish for death but only receive eternal suffocation.

There’s no solace or respite, only sorrow and hatred.

Gematria

Her first sexual union was with me.

I walked her into the engulfing Darkness;

The Darkness that would resonate and remain with her.

She thought that ours would be a love

To stand the test of time, to be ‘forever.’

There was much laughter, even moreso than the tears.

I felt the best of myself emerge when in her presence.

In time she outgrew me, almost outgrowing herself.

She left me, her newly lifeless eyes reflecting her cold soul.

That was almost eight years ago;

The curse that she had placed upon me was never to move on

And to not stop thinking of her…

Her essence remains in the places that we used to walk;

Her face is still clear in my mind.

I can still remember the way she’d  taste.

My mind would sometimes drift away someplace far,

But would always return to her…

War-torn

I walk through these streets, my head’s spinning.

A killer walks these streets among you tonight;

I thought that I was just doing my job;

Defending my buddies and myself from harm;

In the process, I killed a child in front of his mother.

Bad intelligence and empty posturing brought me to the desert;

The land around me is now laid to waste;

And so am I on the inside.

At the time, I thought that I did things with valor and honor;

I received awards and accolades and applause;

Even been hailed as a hero.

These days, I can’t even keep my marriage together.

I’ve been institutionalized and am now in therapy.

As I walk these streets, inside my own mind,

A killer walks among you all… 

Angst

It seems that no matter where I turn;

The world feels itself so inclined to speak unkind words in my direction.

 I try to just mind my own business and just live my life;

Difficult enough as it is.

At work, or at home,

I find no empathy;

Only coldness and harshness;

Even complete strangers in passing

 Seem to want to take their turn when it concerns me.

I fill the magazine to the top with rounds.

I put the other two in my coat pocket.

My angst will contain a body count…